Hello my gorgeous friend. Today, let’s discuss the S word.
No not that one! Cheeky.
SHOULD. Because to put it simply, it's time to stop shoulding yourself.
I hear this word every single day - from my clients, to friends and family, even from strangers on social media! We’re all shoulding ourselves and it’s time to stop, right now.
Here's some context:
Usually, we say "should" because it’s something we believe we’re supposed to do. This comes from a lifetime of conditioning. From our parents, teachers, peers, idols, society and culture telling us what is right and what is wrong.
What is appropriate and not appropriate.
What is polite and not polite.
What is acceptable and not acceptable.
To the point that we're so out of tune with our own wants and needs, because we concern ourselves too much with the wants and needs of others. Even when it holds no relevance to making our own decisions!
Sounds familiar? Don't panic!
I have a simple rule when it comes to shoulding: When you hear yourself saying it, immediately ask yourself...
Do I WANT or NEED to do it?
An example -
“I should do my tax return.”
Ok, I don’t want to do it, but I know I need to do it otherwise I’ll get in trouble with the tax man! So in this case I’ll rephrase this to, “I need to do my tax return.”
Another example -
“I should get ready for tonight’s party.”
Ok, I definitely want to do this, as it’ll be good fun! So I’ll rephrase this to, “I want to get ready for tonight’s party!”
A final example -
“I should sign up to a gym.”
Hmm, now I certainly don’t want to do this, and I don’t actually need to do it either. SO… in this case, it’s time to shake that should and shake it hard baby! Buh-bye 👋🏻
No gym for me. Yessss.
The chances are, this "should" came from my inner critic. It pipes up and tells me I should tone up and be like the influencers I see on Instagram with their personal trainers. But that’s toxic thinking and comparison syndrome right there, and it’s time to let it go.
Here's the secret: When we let go of the "shoulds" that don’t align with our wants and needs, we give ourselves SO much freedom.
We take the pressure off and give ourselves space to breathe. Better yet, we find ourselves on a path that feels right for us! Instead of being led by other people. Trust me when I say there is so much happiness and satisfaction to gain from doing this.
This super simple rule has changed my perspective on so many things. It's helped me see WAY more clearly! It cuts through the BS, stamps on comparison syndrome and gets to the core of your own wants and needs. What could be better right?
I really encourage you to give it a try the next time you should on yourself! And please let me know how you get on! 💛